When She Said No
by metro.max
Summary: Neville Longbottom learns one of life's many lessons, even if he trips and falls along the way. [oneshot]


**_When She Said No. _**

_Gillyweed, a magical seaweed that grows off the coast of Italy, has been successfully harvested by wizards around the world since the year 1638. It was first discovered by the witch Cruesa Klockziem, who was scuba diving off the coast of Sicily on her holidays with her husband Wilfred. Though Cruesa's discovery was the first of wizard-kind, merpeople and goblins knew about it for hundreds of years earlier, though it was no use to either of them 1, 2. _

_Gillyweed, or_ herbae inutilis respiratiae_, is a magic-bearing form of seaweed that allows its eater the ability to breathe while underwater for long periods at a time. One fist-full allows a fully grown witch or wizard approximately forty-five minutes underwater. The younger the person, the stronger the affects of the Gillyweed and the longer that individual is able to breathe underwater. _

_Gillyweed, once eaten, takes roughly two minutes to take full affect. The individual can no longer breathe using the lungs, but morphs a set of gills, which must be used underwater to function properly. The set of gills is complemented with web-like skin growing between the fingers and the toes, for easy maneuverability in the water. _

_Gillyweed is also used to make complex potions, such as the Ranunculus Potion 3. It can be found at your local potion ingredient supplier, though during the four month period between November and March Gillyweed is difficult to harvest, making supplies of it short. _

_1. For more information on merpeople and their involvement in the discovery of Gillyweed, see page 788._

_2. For more information on goblins, see page 329. _

_3. For more information on the Ranunculus Potion and its affects, see page 231._

I snapped shut the book Professor Moody had given me and dropped it on the floor at the end of my four-poster as I sighed. Not even my passion in life — Herbology — could take my mind off her.

_Her_, the prettiest, smartest, most amazing girl in Hogwarts. Her, the modest, kind, caring, generous, sweet girl of my dreams—

Hermione Granger.

I slid my hands under my head as I watched soft, white flakes floating past the window. It was a cold day in the middle of February, with heavy white snowflakes falling thickly from the sky and covering the frozen ground in a crunchy blanket of clarity… which only led to thinking.

I don't know why I did it. I don't know what drove me to walk up to her like I did, to blink my eyes and open my mouth. I don't know why I said what I did, don't know why I reacted the way I did… when she said no.

Something within me —a desire to be known, recognized, understood, I suppose— told me to stand up and walk over to her. It told me to do what I desperately wanted to… and I listened.

Never before have I fallen to desire; never before have I done what I wanted to do. Never before have I thought I could hurt like I did… when she said no.

Some people think she's a prissy girl, whose only concern is her schoolwork, who cares more about that O than she cares about anything— her friends, her family, her House.

But they're wrong. They're always wrong.

She's smart and caring, more than anyone could ever know. She's amazing. She would never hurt anyone… intentionally.

But she hurt me, no matter now unintentional… when she said no.

I did what I could, walking up to her that day. I straightened my shirt, wiped my sweating palms on my pants, brushed the hair out of my eyes as I stumbled toward her, just like I wanted to do weeks ago.

I swallowed thickly as I stood in front of her. My mind melted into a puddle of confusion and blankness.

She turned her warm brown eyes up to my own, waiting expectantly. Her head was cocked slightly to the side, frizzing chocolate hair spilling over her shoulder. I opened my mouth and said the first thing that came to mind.

"Hermione."

She blinked at me and replied with a simple: "Neville."

"I was just wondering… who you're — you're going to the… er… Yule Ball with?"

I bit the inside of my lip, watching her face with extreme scrutiny. It melted into an expression of apathy.

"Neville, I—"

"Would you like to go with me?"

She smiled up at me cautiously, her smile brimming with sympathy and regret.

"Sorry, Neville, but I'm— already going with someone. I'm sorry," she muttered, her smile disappearing slowly.

I blinked slowly, once… twice… before nodding my head and walking away. I managed to make my way up to my dormitory, where I collapsed on my bed dejectedly.

Of course, this would only happen to me.

Of course, the girl of my dreams would refuse me the one thing I wanted— a dance. Just a simple dance, nothing more.

But what've I got to show for my bravery?

Nothing but a bit of pain, a dateless night, and a slowly breaking heart.

Not that I won't be able to handle it; no, on the contrary, I'll do fine. I always do. Something goes wrong, I get hurt, and I bounce back like I'm surrounded by an Imperturbable Charm.

But the worst of it is I don't think she realized it. I don't think she honestly realized she was hurting me when she said no. She's just sitting down there right now, reading through a book on wizarding oddities with a towering stack at her side, all of them on odd spells and weird water charms, not even realizing she could be hurting me. But I understand.

I'm unreadable. No one can possibly understand me or read me like I wish they sometimes could. No one sees how I envy Ron, fear for Harry, or fancy Hermione.

So here I sit, confused, alone, hurt… I knew this would happen, but I didn't expect it so soon. But I suppose that's just what you get when you mess with women.

**Author's Notes: **This was quite the new experience for me. I've never worked with any HP era characters, so it was a step from my normal comfort zone; certainly not my best, but not my worst. I threw in the last sentence to lighten the overall mood and show Neville's get-up-and-go-ness. Feel free to comment. ;)

aliss


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